Depression and Low Libido – 5 Effective Steps To Increase Your Drive

My depressive episodes started in my late 20s. It caught me by complete surprise.

sex depression loneliness

I was a relatively happy teenager (well, as happy as a teenager can be I suppose), and I absolutely loved my early 20s. Aaaah, my early 20s. Young. Healthy. Good friends. Great sex drive. Great sex life. I felt invincible. At the age of 26 I immigrated to London. The adjustment was difficult, but I disregarded and dismissed the ‘negativity’ and carried on regardless.

About 2 years later, I started experiencing ‘off’ days. Those days became more and more regular and lasted longer. My eating habits changed, my libido took a nose dive and I was constantly exhausted. My lust for life evaporated completely. I finally arranged to go to the doctor when I could not cope anymore.

The doctor put me onto anti-depressants and I started seeing a psychotherapist. It took a while, but I did start to feel a lot better and I started enjoying life again. The only aspect which remained non-existent was, unfortunately, my libido. Nothing. Not a flicker of excitement. Not a spark of desire.

This lack of desire had a huge impact on my relationships. I was getting desperate. Things needed to change, so I started doing research, saw a doctor and started the Love Yourself process. Believe me when I say that there is certainly HOPE. Do not despair! Depression and low libido certainly go hand-in-hand, but here are 5 effective steps to increase your drive.

NOT TONIGHT HONEY, I HAVE A HEADACHE

During a spell of depression, the body releases hormones and chemicals that rob you of your sex drive and take away the ability to enjoy sex when or if you and your partner get around to it. With depression, you, mentally and physically, become your own worst enemy when it comes to sex.

serotonin depress neurons sex

Anti-depressants, for me, are a lifesaver. They do not necessarily work for everyone, but they managed to regulate the neurotransmitters in my brain which in turn started to make me feel human again. The downside of taking anti-depressants, however, is that despite making you feel a whole lot better, they suppress your sex drive. And because of low or no sex drive, getting aroused or the ability to have an orgasm is just about downright impossible while you are on medication.

COMMUNICATE AND ARTICULATE

Talk to your partner about how you are feeling. Break down of communication with your partner can be the breakdown of your relationship. Explain that the way you are feeling has nothing to do with your love for them. Reassure them that you do love them, that you do want to be intimate with them, but that it is really difficult for you at that moment. Make an appointment with your doctor and explore options of alternative drug therapy or medication that would not impact your sex drive as much.

LEARN TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX

think outside box creative

If coital sex is no longer possible due to reasons of lack of desire, lack of libido, dryness, erectile dysfunction, do not worry. There are alternatives. There are lots of ways to enjoy sexual stimulation and pleasure through mutual masturbation, foreplay, intimate massaging, sex toys devices and lubricants. Watching erotic films or reading erotic books can also get you aroused.

‘GASM GADGETS AND LUBRICANTS

If you are experiencing a feeling of dryness (another symptom of depression), having sex can certainly feel very uncomfortable. To make sex feel more pleasurable make sure that you use water-based lubricants. Using a vibrator on your clitoris can feel absolutely amazing and will increase your chances of having an orgasm. I have found the Lelo’s Smart Wand to be utterly orgasmic.

LELO Smart Wand Sex

The important thing is to get you and your partner closer together, so allow them to intimately massage your clitoris either with using lubricants, or with the use of a sex toy. Even if you do not reach orgasm the first time, it does not matter. The initial point is to get that feeling of love, closeness and bonding with your partner as well as lighting that libido fire again.

Tenga have got a stunning range called Tenga Air Tech which gives men a “helping hand” when it comes to masturbation. Of course your partner will be able to help you out, so you can relax, lie back and let the waves of pleasure wash over you.

Air Tech Squeeze

FEELING GOOD – TAKES AN EFFORT

Let’s face it, having sex can make us feel absolutely great. But, even for those who do not suffer of depression, sex can be an effort. That is why, making the time to indulge in the delights of sex – even if you are not in the mood – can have a positive effect on our mood.

This can be achieved through foreplay and sexual teasing. Take a moment to acknowledge the joys of having sex with your partner. The actual act. It does not necessarily mean that you have to focus on having an orgasm each time. This seems to be the ‘goal’ – the be all and end all when having sex. Yes, of course it is absolutely toe-curlingly, pillow-squeezingly delightful when it happens. But take it step by step.

IN GOOD SHAPE

When it comes to depression, things are extremely complicated in terms of eating and in terms of exercise, due to your exhaustion. The thought of cooking or going to the gym is a concept so far beyond reality and your capability, that the mere suggestion can push you over the edge.

Here, however, are some examples of what I eat to help with my depression and to give my libido a little kick up the behind.

Strawberries, Raspberries, Walnuts, Avocado, Watermelon, Almonds, Chocolate, Peaches and Saffron – these fantastic snacks are not only delicious and incredibly good for us, but they are very sexy foods. I am sure that you and your partner will have fun devouring these treats, and afterwards, each other!

Losing weight and exercising will boost your system too. It will give you more confidence generally. I am certainly not talking of doing a marathon or the Triathlon, but just getting out and walking, or going for a swim will get those feel good chemicals (endorphins) released.

ONE STEP AT A TIME

Depression is not easy to understand or to live with. If you are in a relationship, speak to you partner about how you are feeling, what you are going through. This communication will take a weight of your shoulders and will take the strain off between you and your partner. Explore each other. Discover and taste new foods which are good for you and your libido.

Make time, and get creative in the bedroom. Keep in mind though, it is more important to have good mental health which may be helped by medication than to be unhappy just to achieve orgasm. To take the pressure off yourself and just enjoy!

Remember to Love Yourself, love and be loved. Respect and be respected. Be gentle with yourself.

I hope to see you soon again,

RENÉE

13 Replies to “Depression and Low Libido – 5 Effective Steps To Increase Your Drive”

  1. Hi Renée. I can totally identify with your article. Depression is a b…..and you just need to learn to live with it, with the help of anti-depressants, of course. It is so true that unfortunately, it (depression + medication) has repercussions on one’s libido. I had never thought that sex toys could help, but your article opened my eyes. Thanks a lot. Purdey

  2. I know there are a lot of ways to improve or stimulate a desire for a better sexual life. But when your lack of libido is due to depression, for me the best solution is to deal with what is causing you to feel depressed and try to solve it or improve the situation to make you feel better. Because when you just want to improve the libido, you are not solving the real issue and the lack of libido will come back any time.

    Thanks

    1. Dearest Adyns68,

      I cannot agree more with you.  Once depression has you in its clutches, quite frankly the only way to sort it out is to discover what is the root of the depression is and then to deal with it (as painful as that can be)- therapy was the way for me.  I found it to be life-changing.  Then, as you say, everything else will slowly but surely fall back into place.

      Really appreciate your comments!

      Renée

  3. Hi Renee, 

    Your post shares many personal feelings and experience for depression, and I think it’s really helping for someone might have the same symptoms and need to take actions when it is still under control. I like you find working out at the gym also helps you to enhance the libido for yourself and the toys in this post also draw my attention on them too. Will definitely share with my friends who have the symptoms for depression, thanks!

    1. Hi Matt,

      Depression can really be a tough thing to live with.  I am glad that going to the gym relieves these dark symptoms for you.  Exercise is absolutely amazing.  Thank you so much for reading and commenting, and I hope this post helps your friends – who suffer of depression – too.

      Kind regards,

      Renée

  4. Thanks for sharing this article. My friend is having a problem with his low self esteem and it has reduced his sex drive with his partner. The idea of enjoying sexual stimulation outside coitus intercourse seems a good thing to do for raising the drive one step at a time. He is currently doing a therapy with his psychiatrist to help with self esteem. I will tell him about this article. Thanks

    1. Dear Alblue,

      I am happy to see that your friend has the necessary help by going to therapy.  It is always best to get to the ‘root’ of the problem.  

      I wish you and your friend all the very best, and I honestly hope that they start feeling more confident soon.

      Thank you for sharing this article

      Renée

  5. Depression absolutely affects our moods. For me, the best way to ensure we maintain ‘being in the mood’ for sex, we sometimes need to make a lot of effort to have the drive and urge.  Sometimes, all it requires is to have good communication with the partner in order to work things out. However, when I realise that the efforts are not enough, I decide we spoke about getting sex toys to help stimulate my desires. Unless we make the desired efforts, it might be difficult of get our urge back.

    1. Dear Shelley,

      You are absolutely right that our lack of libido sometimes requires ‘looking after’.  So many things in our lives can diminish our sex drive – stress, food, depression and lack of communication.  I am glad that you were able to discuss these issues with your partner and that gasm gadgets have been of help to you.

      I hope to see you again soon

  6. As someone living with someone with depression,  I can really resonate with your post. My partner goes through bouts of depression and it can be tough at times between the two of us. He finds that working out at the gym really helps to improve his mood greatly. I will pass on some of your other advice to him as well. Take care.

    1. Dear SailingAway,

      I am sorry to hear that your partner goes through bouts of depression.  It cannot be easy on your partner and it certainly cannot be easy on you either.  I am glad that going to the gym relieves the symptoms – exercise is fantastic.  You sound very supportive and understanding which is phenomenal.  Good luck in all of your ventures.  I hope some of the tips will assist in getting your partners libido on the increase again.

      Renée

  7. Depression is really hard when it comes to the aspect of relationships and sex life. It almost ruined my relationship totally because, just like you, I didn’t have any desire or urge at all. My partner started getting tired and was complaining but I couldn’t do anything about it and so we broke off. I had to find myself back but I am not fully back on. I think I should try out using some lubricants and good toy. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Dear Henderson,

      Great to see you back here, and thank you for your comments.  Depression can be such a strain on any relationship.  I am sorry that you have been through this and that it contributed to your break up.  

      Using sex toys can certainly increase your libido.  Take it step by step though.  The aim is to have fun and explore your own body again.  I am sure that your libido will be on the up soon enough again.

      Renée

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